KlingonProgramming

Last edit July 27, 2008
It appears that MicroSoft has hired Klingons....

  • Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  • This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! You are MISTAKEN!! Only a most excellent machine could be worthy of being compared to a plate of gagh! How dare you! I am NOT mistaken. Machines should not be eaten, they are weapons, they should be hard and sharp, not soft and creepy!
  • You cannot really appreciate Dilbert until you have heard it in the original Klingon.
  • Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
  • What is this talk of "Release"? Klingons do not make software "releases". Our software "escapes", leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake!
  • Klingon functions calls do not have "parameters" - They have "ARGUMENTS" and they ALWAYS WIN.
  • "Debugging"? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
  • I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat'leth contest. They will not concern us, again.
  • A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!
  • By filing this user request, you have challenged the honour of my family! PREPARE TO DIE!!
  • You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
  • Our users will know fear, and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!!
  • Sales people have no honor
  • Four thousand lines of code may be typed in one night by a fast coder.
  • A bug may become a feature in the time it takes to compile the code.
  • Only a fool codes in an IDE.
  • Perhaps today IS a good day to resign!
  • Test or Code. Not both!
  • They are not our customers. They are our enemies!
  • Out Project Manager acted like a spineless P'taaq in that meeting! I have deleted his login and I assume command myself!

This is fun the first time you see it. A quick observation, though, is that a search on http://www.google.com shows that this already appears on the web some 200 times. Maybe I'm just a PartyPooper ...
This page would not be complete without mentioning Var'aq, the Klingon ProgrammingLanguage. One typically ends a program with "abort(); kill(); kill();"

http://www.geocities.com/connorbd/varaq/
CategoryStarTrek